i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
