your thong is hanging out like whoa
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
