I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You're like the curious george of whores
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
