I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
