Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize