I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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