Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
