Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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