i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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