If that was your dad, he is hot
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
