i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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