D3 body, D1 cock
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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