Whod you bang
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
