One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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