I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
