She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
