drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
