I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
