I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize