If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize