Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
