The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
