If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
