after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
