Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
