Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
