He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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