The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
