the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
