Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
