I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize