That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
