My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
