you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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