I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
