planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
