He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
