it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
whose parrot is this?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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