There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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