True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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