it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
FUCK WHALES
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
