if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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