I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if only i could text you this smell
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
