my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
