Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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