OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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