this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
