I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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