i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
