Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
