I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
