She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize