I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
