what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
