so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Randomize
