I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
