my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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