Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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