And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize