There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize