return my video game
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
