my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
