You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
