Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
