So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize