It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
