The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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