eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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