When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You ate ashes out of my bong
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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