My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
